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Odd Hops Sample #051-100

A university professor is frustrated because her students can’t spell simple words. — 0100

A judge instructs the jury that the defendant is entitled to the presumption of innocence. — 0099

The Pope uses coarse language to tell a subordinate that his robes are pinching his balls. — 0098

A young man asks a sensitive question online, then tries to distance himself by saying he’s asking for a friend. — 0097

A football coach says if he had to make a decision with a gun to his head, he’d choose to remove the gun. — 0096

A lawyer tells his client, “Justice may be blind, but she knows the feel of money.” — 0095

One homeless man says to another homeless man, “Go for broke? You mean we ain't there yet?” — 0094

Two paleontologists argue and one crudely insults the other. — 0093

A man notes that it would be ironic if an ambulance ran you over, but it would be satire if a hearse ran you over. — 0092

A team trainer believes a player may have a concussion because the player replied “Thursday” when asked how many fingers the trainer held up. — 0091

A man went to high school with a person who had an unusual name and unusual features. — 0090

One man is reading the Autobiography of Ben Franklin, and his friend asks who wrote it. — 0089

A coach suggests that eating dinner with a rival coach would be unpleasant. — 0088

Two vultures are eating roadkill and one says to the other, “Must you smack your lips?” — 0087

A morning TV program in a rough town is titled, “Wake up, Bitch.” — 0086

A commentor on TV says, “I’d be surprised, to say the least,” and a listener responds “We’d all be surprised if you said the least.” — 0085

A Creole man says that he doesn’t really like smoking pot, but he does like having smoked pot. — 0084

A football coach believes that he has been criticized by a rival coach. — 0083

A player uses the old expression “you can’t prove a negative,” but his coach proves the expression is nonsense. — 0082

A man feels lucky when he finds money on the sidewalk, but at that moment a large object is falling toward him. — 0081

When a man meets a urologist at a party, he hands him his drink like it’s a urine sample. — 0080

0079

0078

A man is eyeing two beautiful women in a bar, and his friend encourages him by saying, “Play the game, not the occasion.” — 0077

One man laughs that the word “thrash” is used as a verb, which it is. — 0076

A man says that he’s always certain of what the drugs he takes will do, so he’s not experimenting when he takes them. — 0075

A TV interviewer says he wants to get “more on” an athlete, but the athlete thinks he said “moron.” — 0074

A man writes a sure-fire hit screenplay called Reliably Violent. — 0073

When told he needs to be more body positive about a large woman, a man says he’s positive that body needs to eat more salad. — 0072

A man breaks up with a woman because she is a cat person and he sane. — 0071

One coach says, “Talk is cheap,” and a rival coach responds, “Where I come from, talk is free.” — 0070

A customer at a hotel complains that the hotel’s female staff didn’t proposition him. — 0069

A man’s uncle gave him valuable advice about honesty, but his uncle was a notorious liar. — 0068

A doctor wants to run tests even though the patient’s injury is obvious. — 0067

A man uses a popular expression, but another man thinks it’s nonsense. — 0066

Older man tells a younger man, “Remember, nothing is impossible, unless it can’t be done.” — 0065

A coach won’t put in a player because he dreads it when the player handles the ball. — 0064

A coach is giving an acceptance speech for a coaching award and he can’t remember his own children’s names. — 0063

A man says he split up with his girlfriend because she always mentioned the M-word: money. — 0062

A man says that his father died when he was just a child, so he had to punish himself. — 0061

A fat rugby player says, “muscle has memory,” but his coach reminds him that fat has memory also. — 0060

Two Cajuns mistake the word “incompetence” for “incontinence.” — 0059

Man starts to read an article about ADHD, but quickly loses interest and flips the page. — 0058

When told “You can’t take it with you,” a poor redneck replies, “Can’t take what with me?” — 0057

A rugby coach says a stupid player became smarter after his last concussion. — 0056

A rugby player sees a huge opposing player named N’oman, and he says, “N’oman is an island.” — 0055

A man on a flight is pestered by a young child. — 0054

A judge rejects a frivolous motion, and the attorney replies by insulting the court. — 0053

0052

A rugby coach says he is not superstitious, and then he knocks on wood. — 0051

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