Category ODD-HOPS

#101~#150

A prosecutor says she has the testimony of an accomplice, but defense counsel says the defendant had no help. In frustration, a woman tells a man “Words fail me,” to which he replies, “One can only hope.” A man writes a screenplay where the action hero kills the bad guys with an eraser. A wife tells her husband she had a bad dream that he was with a beautiful woman, but he thinks that’s not a bad dream. A man believes prostitutes are called female gigolos. An older gentleman says his secret to a full head of hair is the tears of balding men. A young man tells a priest that they are alike because he’s also celibate by choice, though not by his choice. A coaching hire is described as a no-brainer decision, and a rival coach says his nemesis is the perfect choice. A man believes the Constitution gives him the right to impose his beliefs on others. A woman sells a perfume that will attract men because it smells like low self-esteem. A coach tells his players to expect the unexpected, and one player tells his teammate he knew the coach would say that. One croc tells another croc that he caught a man wearing crocodile boots, and he enjoyed that day on the job. A woman looks up her minor medical condition online, and now she’s worse off because of all the dire advice she read. A man tells his friend we should judge people not by the color of their skin, but by the size and shape of their skull. A man is upset because a woman is a Texan, not because of her other characteristics. A strange man in a park angrily confronts a lamppost. Two sharks swim together and one says he needs to work on his people skills because they keep getting away. A man contemplates his own mortality, but he’s comforted by the fact that even the most mundane experience is a gift. A man went to a psychic who was okay but not great, so his friend says she was a medium psychic. A man tells his friend that if enough people believe something, that makes it true. A man gives insulting advice to a woman that he doesn’t care for. A lawyer tells his client that logic has no place in the law. A redneck names his son “outhouse” because that’s where the boy was conceived. A football coach says there is only matter, anti-matter, and don’t matter in the universe, and his rival coach is the latter kind. From bitter personal experience, a musician titles his song “don’t walk out on my set, bar patrons.” An attorney demands a witness answer with a simple yes or no, to which the witness replies "yes or no." A bar patron uses the phrase “parrot and the stick,” rather than “carrot and the stick.” A man is on hold and a recording tells him, “Please stay on the line for the next available recorded apology.” A sailor writes the name “Common Sense” on his boat, but the boat is upside down. A diner says he puts an unusual sauce on his seafood because extraordinary clams require extraordinary condiments. A news report says that the hair style called the man bun has been designated a mental disorder. A player nicknamed “Windbreaker” is notorious for farting. A rugby player loses a tooth during a game. A man who is rough around the edges says he’s enjoyed every jot and tittle of his life. A man’s nickname for his wife is “autocorrect.” A man mistakes the phrase “cancer support group” to mean support for cancer. Two athletes are jogging and one asks if the vagina of a tuna fish smells like a human. A coach answers a question from a reporter with an indecipherable gibberish. An attorney meditates with the mantra “billable hours.” Motorcyclist is stopped for speeding, but outwits the police. One man sitting at a restaurant confuses the term “logical fallacy” for “logical phallic symbol.” A coach uses foul language after a win and after a loss. A witness to a crime surprises a defense attorney with his answer. A man is writing an exposé on Brazilian fart porn, and his friend is shocked such a thing exists. When a man is in the hospital because he was shot in a bar fight, his friend believes it was because of a bad heart. When asked what deaf metal is, a deaf metal musician can’t hear the question. A man’s parrot repeats incriminating things he said.